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favestril's Blog


The Absence of "Him"

I called it last night.
No more song and dance.
No more walks in the dark and
cries to the moon.

No more shouting to the hawk and wondering what to do.

There's a space when I look now, in my heart. A void.
He used to fill it.
It's empty.
It's hollow.

No more will the sound of his voice fill my ears with that made me think of deep running water.
No more will I feel his laugh through a text or hear it when he called.

It's gone now. Never did I kiss him. 
I dont know what that is like.

Never did I hug him. 
I never felt that before.

Deep and lengthy space. What a void it has become. 
Deep and lengthy space. No shadow from him to fill it.

It's as though I lost myself and yet somehow must find a way to move.
A way to breathe and think. If you will. I fell for him.
He didn't catch me.

I told him how I felt.
He ignored it.

Quietly do I sit and think of my shock. 
Quietly I contemplate my thoughts.

A rush of emotion springs forth, I search frantically for a kleenex.
A rush of tears burst forth and violently do I wipe them.
He is not here.

Gamed together. It was nothing.
Promises in the dark. They were shallow.
My heart flayed open. I didn't realize he never took it.

There's more to make a man laugh, to make him smile. 
I was not enough. 

The space is so wide now. I can't see the other side. 
I don't want to jump across. So I walk away.

I meant. nothing. to. him. 
Hard to grasp. Hard to find words. Hard to understand a hollow heart!

I would have given him...what I would never give another. Ever. But that's only for one man. Just one. And no other. And now.. I sum up the way I feel as the absence of him. Give it time.
He.
will.
fade.

 

wow...

Actually, update on this he isn't gone. In fact, from a conversation with him about arguing etc.. he is still here. What do I think of it? Well.. I'm not going to tell fate what to do and as much as I like him, I am pretty ...content to see where this goes. Who knows? For now, I'm amused and interested watching a friendship grow. Through first hand eyes and seeing it progress and grow. I like it. What one thing I like about him is that as many times as  I have told him I like him and on a deep note. He's still here. So.. like tonight, I told him that it must be tiring for him to be on my mind. :)

I am not young anymore! holy cow! Where did the time fly too? Then I realize.. time that flies. That's hilarious. It's been going the exact same pace as it always has even before I was born. 
I tried posting up earlier about moving forward. Mainly because the guy that made me feel so much is now gone from me. 
It's foreign for me to think he is gone. I always pictured him here. After all, two years is a long time to be texting someone. And.never.meeting. that. person.
So .. guess I shouldn't be so wrapped up in someone I never had the luxury of meeting or touching? Wrong... I'm glad I did. It was fun while it lasted but that's where it stays. 
Two years behind me I guess. It was easy for him to move forward. should be for me too huh?
anyway.. ugh is for the amount of schoolwork I'm under. Debating about going back on vacation. Again. Because of the schoolwork.
Not only that..but omg! Looking back on here.. this is like my online diary. Seriously.
I was pretty open and honest with everything I shared. That is truth.
Looking back is interesting to see how I was finding myself. lol. That's interesting isn't it?
Well.. I'm off to bed EP. Stop being so rough huh? You and your guidelines! Maybe get a different filter where when someone like me posts something you say it violates the guidelines? REally? I mean....really? -_-

Back...

Yes I am back. .. it's been awhile.. since last December/January I think it was.. well.. 9 months ago. Much has changed. 

I'm no longer on any level with any guy online or off. I tried the online dating thing twice after moving to Oregon and both times it failed miserably.

I had been talking/texting a guy long distance for a year and 3 months to see that go belly up just three days ago. 

Is someone getting a good kick in the pants of my bad luck? Is that what this is? The cosmic  battleaxe swooping out of the sky to slash my heart to shreds?

Well.. it worked. 

It's hard for me right now. As is how late the time is where I am at... and writing this. It's really hard on me. I miss him greatly even though he's not the one. I know he's wrong for me on every level and yet it still hurts. 

Just being human I guess. 41 and brokenhearted. Not the way I planned on ever being again. I always pictured him motivating me through school and calling me to listen to his funny jokes. 

So.. that isn't going to happen. Nope. Long distance is a killer. It's made worse when the other person gets cold feet at meeting you and runs off in the other direction.

Here's my advise:  Don't be so quick to being with someone that you fall for the first person you meet. That you love the idea so badly of being love. Don't do that.  Don't blame that other person for their mistakes because it made you upset. That's part of them and 9 out of 10 most of those mistakes melt away because all they needed was your spark. (meeting you person too helps).

Get over your ex. That person isn't in your life, but the one you are with  don't need to hear it unless at the right moment you feel it's important they know.  Take it easy on them. It's as every bit a new relationship for them as it is for you. I learned this the hard way.

Not all things should be said over text. Unless you are planning to meet them in real life then plan it for that moment but dont make them wait. 

Don't blame that person for your pain from your ex. In other words, stop running away when the going gets close and personal. Stop it. Cold feet is horse shit and you know it! Buck up and be the woman or man that you are and appreciate the person put in front of you. 

Lastly, walk away from the breakup with a clear mind and don't hate. I don't regret getting to know him. I still love him. I still wish him the best . I only regret that we aren't friends since it ended messy. 



vacation

So while I have ranted and raved on here and worried and wondered at life for a little around a year. I'm placing this account on vacation for now. I think it's a good step for me right now and the right one to make.

while this is an online diary for me pretty much... I do not appreciate the emails coming in from random men regarding what am I wearing for panties today? Just because I put that up get your head out of your ass and understand that was just one story. That's it. Gawds are you men that stupid? Do I have a shining light above my head that says email me and be a perv? 

That's not why I am breaking from EP. It's mainly ... I need to figure out things on my own. I need to do this on my own now. 

I have to friends that know how to get ahold of me and that's enough for me. 

For everyone that has ever been here at the beginning with me with this journey.. .you are always on my mind.

What a journey it's been! Enjoy the blogs.. they are my thoughts and I make no amends for anything I have said in them or in my stories. None. It's me. At one point in my life I said and thought that. I'll not take it down because she said it. 

anyways... I'll be back. Just for now.. I need a break. Take care of you and yours and enjoy life. You have one life grab it and don't let go.

inspired tonight

Trust. That beautiful treasure we hand to other people as friends, as lovers, our family members, our children. Trust.

The promise that they will be there. The heart of the person in your hands. Trust. I trust you to not hurt me, I trust you to not do this .. or not do that.

There is trust. A bond that once it's formed and has a chance to develop is so strong continents apart will not break it. Trust.. that once given it's like lending out a piece of you or them to you.

It's right there... trust.

And yet... once broken, the pain runs deep. That chasm an abyss. So dark, so noticeable. nothing is ever the same after it's broke. 

The pain too great.
The uncertainty sets in.
The doubt.
where did trust go?  Down in that abyss. Waiting for the right moment to come out. 

Sometimes it does. Survives the storm, survives the ensuing chaos. It grabs you at the right moment. Then you realize it. It's okay to give again. It's okay to do that. Because if your trust is strong enough it will endure.

Erase the doubt, wash away the uncertainty, and give it a chance to grow. Fill up the abyss and let the light in.

Trust is an amazing bond. So deep so personal. It's no wonder that when you break it... that it is so hard to get back.

How far will you go? To regain a person's trust?

Life in Klamath Falls

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New Blog...

I just do this so my friends on here know that I am still alive and come on here every now and then. so hi to my friends.. you know who you are. Big hugs. 

I guess it's a lesson in selfless. I moved from San Diego to Oregon. Not for me.. .for my daughter. Watching someone you love unravel in front of you and not knowing what to do to help her not knowing how to stop it like sand going through your fingers. No matter how hard you try.. any shift in the fingers sand just leaks out.

So we moved. Oregon .... wow.. I'm cold. I miss my beaches, the warm nights, the chance to hit up the movie theater anytime I want. Going to dinner with my sissy on Tuesdays or whenever we could meet just so she feels like someone is thinking of her. Missing my best friend and seeing what we want to do on a Saturday night or happy hour.

Now that I'm in Oregon I'm forced to confront myself and take a look. A good one. What do I need to do now? What am I suppose to be doing now? Where is this path taking me?

I know in my heart I won't be here long. ( hard to explain, few people will understand how I know this). 

San Diego is a chapter of my life that is closed. I hope I can make it back for one last visit. Maybe.. I'm not holding my breath.
I learned from San Diego as a single mom to sow your oats, and spend the next chapter of your life refining yourself. So when that one guy comes,  I'm ready. I want adventure with him and my wish one wish to come true. 


what I want to say to him...

This is what I want to say to him... he knows who he is... just tell me what's on your mind. What are you feeling? honestly? Do you think about me during the day? Do I pass through your mind with all your thoughts?

I'm 2190 miles away. That's a lot of distance.I didn't find you in San Diego. It had to take being out of state. I dont know why.. but it did. Some people find their heart that way.
 I believe you were put into my life for a reason. You interrupted it and then left it then came back. Like this disturbing little dust devil you blew through  and had to mess everything up. That's a good thing! You have calmed my mind, put an anchor in me to focus and you may not show it, but you at least act like you want to hear how I am doing and you don't act bored either. 

I feel like I can tell you anything. Like I have known you so long. I wish you weren't so shy at telling me how you feel and when you do.. you're cryptic. I'm not going to hurt you. Silly.

I want to know if you are worth what I am feeling. I want to know if you are "him". I want to know if you are that guy. I'll wait. I will. For as long as it takes and that's because I want too.

In the meantime, just ..just tell me what's on your mind. It would help if you weren't so stubborn. ;)



maybe I shouldn't..

blog on marriage.. maybe that's just a zone I don't understand because it's been so long. I don't want my only marriage on this planet to be with a guy that was North County's biggest drug dealer. I don't want that. Omg .. what was I thinking? I set my fate up for the rest of my life.. and had no idea where it would wind me up today.

So marriage.. and maybe it's just because I'm single I have seen it more. The unhappiness. The weight gain, the  stressed tired looks of couples that have just gone on and on and hardly any flare within them. The husband always three steps forward or backwards of his family. she's always pissed and he's always looking. Or he's pissed and she looks like she won some sort of silent victory owning his unhappiness like a crown.

Why put yourself through a miserable marriage? Why? If you wake up everyday wondering wtf are you doing.. why you are doing it for and have to really try to find in yourself how you feel about the other person. that's wrong.

Honestly.. that's wrong. Marriages as hard work.. hmmm.. does anyone see how wrong that statement is? Anyone?

Love is not hard. Trust is not hard. Neither is respect or showing each other that. Communication? Ahhhh.. therein lies the crux. 

Bad communication.. bad marriage. Simple. Fix it. 

If you put mind your mind to it you can do it. I did. I have successfully put behind me 15 years inside of one conversation regarding mountain bikes. 

you.. can.. fix it. Find that spark.. find that. Is that reaching deep down? Jumping into the pool to go after the ring? Yes. Didn't I just say that if you do that there is something wrong.. .yes.. but the difference here is if there is a spark. Fix it. stop it being a spark and let it burn you two up. 

Dont stay because of the kids that's such shit. Kids don't need that burden on their shoulders and don't invite it either. They need their parents to be honest. Trust me, they will pick up on the deceit and find mates that have imitated the way you taught them. That's not cool. One fucked up generation following another. 

In a marriage fix it. Can't or won't fix it then divorce. Who knows? Maybe after the divorce the reconciliation will lead to something else? And what's so wrong with that? ;)

Why I like Cyclops

Yep.. a blog on my favorite superhero. Next to Kitty Pryde. So for starters.. it's all in issue one. Back when Stan Lee would put up the chat bubbles of "Oh no Cyclops is no match for Ironjaw!" and stuff like that. This when you would be wondering what is going to happen to Cyclops or the others as you went through each panel. Bad art.. but engaging. 
Then you look at Cyclops.. take him all in. .. he's a leader. Though he didn't start that way. He had to grow into it. He always seemed like the brooding asshole but he wasn't. Always thinking of the Xmen and to make everyone do their best and beyond. 
Shy around Jean Grey. Loved it. He fumbled his way through his first date with Marvel Girl. So in love with her words just fell out of his mouth. 
It was half way through issue one when I was realizing what a character they made. He's got a great background but to me, he was 3d. All of it.. the imagination that it took to keep all their personalities, quirks, attitudes separate. 
Cyclops is the superhero that even Superman strives to be. The all american boy, the natural born leader, the ever vigilant protector of his friends and the honorable knight of his love. Who wouldn't want that for a guy?

I remember going through this.. and yep I'm going to bring it up.. my split and reading Xmen and thinking that's it. .that's the guy I want. .right there.. how would I describe him? lol.. hence.. what I look for a guy now..

So now the secret is out.. what I want in a guy is modeled after a superhero. *gasp*  It wasn't modeled after a real life guy.. but a superhero... who for the most part.. is probably smiling over strategies and fight plans to make his team better. sigh... 

Cyclops+alpha+honesty+integrity+ knows who he is+ what he wants= 50. on my list.. and still no one knows what 50 means on my list. (giggles). 

Breaking Dawn...

I'll come back and finish this later.. either before or after work.. just there are some things in life where the answer should be just don't. Don't.

I know there's .. "Twi-Hard" fans out there.. but really?? Couldn't they be a fan of like... horses? Or...barns? Something like that? 

A movie full of estrogen.
The movie was awful.
It was as bad as the book. I love how they thought a great self image for young girls should be get pregnant then look anorexic like Bella. Now... I can go off... hehehe.. after I sleep.. bbl.

Much better after 3 hours of sleep. So... the movie was bad. There was a lot of lines with Edward and Bella just doing this "huh". yep. I think I counted over 30x. Good ole Edward staring off into the distance... about 5x, Bella looking lost and confused with mouth slightly parted like she has a nasal issue the entire movie. 

Then the hunger games trailer comes on... that was cool. I can't wait to see that one! The book series is ..dark, gritty and dirty. Nice sci fi. I cheered. I was the only one that did. lol. 

So back to Breaking Dawn, bad movie with cgi'ed werewolves. That only look like gigantic wolves. (face palm).  Although werewolf describes them as..... nah... let's just toss that silly stuff out. I'm sure they thought let's just make them look like a wolf only bigger and then have the vampires sparkle. Which makes me wonder why... if you're a vampire would you have your honeymoon near Rio de Janiero where the sun beats down a lot? 

There guys there with their girlfriends.......dressed in flannel......like the werewolves... who always wore flannel.  I'm taking their mancards away. Flannel. Flannel....really? You live in fucking san diego! It's different if you come from an area where flannel is part of the required dress... like Oregon. Lots of flannel.

But you wear it for the movie. (rubs her temples) and their girlfriends let them go out like that. Don't do that. Don't let your girlfriend dress you. When it gets to that point and she's dressing you in flannel, break up. You should be like, "I'm not going to wear that shhit in san diego."

I'm so glad that the second one isn't coming out for awhile.  Oh... and best parenting of all is Edward wanting to kill his baby. LOL! Got to love it. 

So I'm done.  To brawley I go......*sigh*.



Monday got me thinking this way...

Okay so now I can go off. I've been holding it in. It's rather hard to do given the fact that I come from a line of head strong, stubborn women who are extremely opinionated. 

First off, no.. there was no threesome. Nope. Something bout me being selective and picky again.
Bad to say that about a friend, but sweetie if you don't have my requirements don't try. what are my requirements? At least let my pheromones make you pleasing to me.
Didn't happen.

While exploring sex is well.. a good confidence booster, and it does make you feel good and it's this and it's that.. it's not everything. In the end, maybe it's not what I want either. 

Maybe that is where my problem is. I'm buying too much into prince charming. He hasn't come by yet. I've had the worst pick up lines ever, bit by a shark, etc.. it's not ...pretty. Maybe, there is no alpha, there is no honesty there is no integrity after all.. maybe I should and seriously consider compromising myself. Is there not a single man out there that's like this? That does know who he is and what he wants? (trust me it's deeper then you think).

I can't help it.. this is me.. honest to a fault, quixotic because it's fun and thee's nothing wrong with it.

Loquacious because I'm human and I get nervous.
I get giggly when I see men in uniforms because it turns me on.
I love action movies and shooting and comics and well.. lately it's been running. Just running down hallways is fun to do again. ( did that tonight, I ran in a hospital =P ).
I laugh at stupid stuff, am easily distracted and have squirelly moments.
Only a few friends on here know my deepest layer. Which I guard with my all my heart. I don't bitch and take responsibility for something that I did or it's me.. ( my emotional reaction, my feelings towards it, I'm not always right). 
I car jam my heart out to the radio and don't care who sees.
If I had my way, I would strip to my bra and drive home that way because it feels good to take off work clothes doesn't it? It just feels good. 
I sleep naked and love water. I can't swim very well and I love water. when it rains I'm at my best. My eyes change color and there I be.  

Monday got me thinking this way... .. 

Monday did this.




Storm

So.. hoping this comes across the way I wanted.. just think of a thunderstorm or the last storm you witnessed either metaphorically or actually went through.. surround yourself in that.. and then read. 

You don't hear me coming as I wish you did. I can be silent, over taking, breathless and forbodding.

Do I weaken your nerves as I sometimes do? Is it hard to sleep when I am near?

Sometimes I make an entrance and you see me approach.
Look at me with frusration.
Look at me with hope.
Recognize my night and what I can do.

I bring forth my breath, I let out my rage, I shed my tears all for you. I destroy, I break, I restart.

I linger to have you only notice me as I go. Spent and longing after me. Remember me, remember the emotion that I brought.

I will etch myself in your memory and sweeten that thought. 

I am storm.


Veteran's Day

Words cannot express my sincerest thanks and appreciation for all those who have served/serving this country. I cannot begin to understand the kind of character you become on that walk.  You are all a different cut then us, because you paid the price for what you have done.

You aren't unworthy, you aren't scum, you are someone who deserves respect. 

Without your commitment, I would not have my freedoms that I do today. Without you, our country would lack courage and strength and honor. 

All of you have my deepest thanks. So be safe this weekend and know, you are not overlooked.

do I dare..

So after a week of feeling creative that has come to a screeching halt, I tried to do one on night.
It would either make me sound like a racist cracker or something else... yes.. I just called myself a cracker.. get over it.

Been awhile since an actual blog, blog. Let's see.. since Oct.25th to be exact.

Imagine that...  I know you are all probably taking a deep breath and thinking oh dear gawd, she's going to go off again. 

Not a whole lot has happened. ...on advise from several people, went to oceanside last Saturday.

Now, I'm a christian and I like my beer as much as any God Fearing Christian would like beer.
I enjoy slamming down shots as much as the next christian.. or whatever religion you may be. I like it.

But... playing your son's church music.. not your church music... your son's.. so he's not a professional singer... nahhh... he's amateur. Let's play it! -_-
And my friend proudly played it too. While her friend spent the entire night texting her kids. Me? I was drinking!!  Hells yes!! And having fun!! 

So, we went to the Haunted Head. Which I warned them from yelp it would be busy. It was. Gee no big surprise there. (face palm).

Not really pirate themed. I was a bit miffed. I wanted fuckin pirates!! Damnit.. give me some pirates! nope. just plastic mannequins hanging in a cage from a ceiling. 

So I ordered a round of yeagar bombs. Handed them to my friend, her hubby and her friend. Now, her friend's name is Josey. And no, me and my friend were not the pussycats.lol.

Josey drinks her, her husband is our DD so I drank his(forgot he was our DD). I drank mine. and my friend couldn't finish hers so I drank hers.
From the shocked expressions of people around us I guess you aren't suppose to drink yeagar bombs that fast. hmmm... dont know why not? If I wanted to power puke on everyone I would drink it slow....so  I was feeling really good.
They didn't want to stay at the haunted head, we head across the street.
Josey and me want to dance so we go down to the basement of the Cabo Grill.
Again.. hey you guys.. let's dance. My friend.. I haven't had enough to drink yet. Same with Josey. (rubs temples).

I went to the bartender to flirt it up with him and find out what would be a good shot. He made me a sample of Curtis Jackson. Loved it. Gave the shots over to them. They liked it. I was all happy now, let's dance! nnnaaaahhhh.. ;_; seriously? Bar hopping?  
We head over to the.. crap.. wait.. let me get the name right.. Pier..pr..no...Pier Review...hmm.. doesn't sound right.. so we headed over to another pub and they promptly sat on their butts.

I drank my arrogant bastard and watched live music. For the rest of the night. oh yeah.. and some reason the girl who took our pictures was really into us doing the Capt. I don't know...

That was last Saturday. I haven't done my part two at dave and buster's with Time Crisis. I should... I miss that game. lol

Tomorrow night it's oceanside with my friend's mom again. Saturday it's Eiffin's for Dead Cats. Sunday it's a Sports Bar. just cause I want to go to one. Which it would be my second. 

My girlfriend and me went to Oceanside on my day off, which was Wednesday, stopped at Tony's Bar and Grill. Now, the ride there was great. The weather was just amazingly beautiful. (san diego come on course it is!) and there are two hot looking guys in a car next to us at an intersection. My girlfriend precedes to tell me about how important it is that she is comparing guys's cocks that she is sleeping with. And all the things she wanted to do with them.
I was laughing too hard.
It's one of those moments where you pull up at an intersection and look over and see someone spazzing out.. yeah... thanks buddy.. thanks....

So Tony's Bar and Grill,recommend it. Strawberry beer is my posion. Love that stuff. Orange Blossom not so much, Blueberry has an after taste and Raspberry is just fizzly. Tasted better then blue berry in my opinion.

Tony offered to have us try other beers next time we go up. Okay Tony.. I shall oblige ya!

anywho.. you all thought I would go off. I'll just save that for the next one. 

Fierce

This will be the second time that I have put this up.. hopefully it comes across the way I want it too.

I stand with determination in the man who fights for his country.

I am the beating of his core when you are near when nerves are almost failed, in the chest of every man who has made a great love story.

I am the woman who wields after him.

I am the woman who searches with her heart. I am in her eyes when all else is lost.

I am in the daring swing of a fist of the child who stands against the bully at the  playground.

I am the young girl who thinks she is ugly and imagines the princess underneath in the mirror.

I am in the officer on a high speed chase, the firefighter who runs into the smoke. I am the lifeguard who dives into the waves.

I have been in the sound of a hundred war drums beating, the vibration of a thousand armies marching. 

Through time, I have been the agility of the swiftest swordsman slicing his foe down, the banging of arrows against a shield.

I have stood with caesars. I visited courts of kings and queens. Prisons of daring escapes, stunts of endless imagination and an athlete's unfailing stamina.

I am in the spirit of those who battle cancer. I am the stubbornness of those who fight until they do not remember because of alzheimer's. 

I am the wild animal caged and scared. I am the eyes of predator searching for his prey.

I have been the roar of a lion, the howling of a wolf, the triumphant of elephant and the rising of a blue whale.

I am in the heart of those who face their trial with head up and eyes forward. I am fierce.

Moon-luna

I light the way to shine in your dark. I provide the faint light to give you hope by. I see your path and show you the way. It is not for me to decide. But yours.
Through me you find your heart.
Through me you enter another world and open up life's greatest mysteries. Through me you dance before bon fires and torches.
Through me you have danced for love, for war, for honor.

Through me you whisper your heart's desire and your longing for to just belong.
Through me you have wondered and whispered so many mysteries, thoughts and dreams, through me you profess your love for another

I hold no mystery,  I hold no chaos .I am not surprising like your lover, I hold no secrets. 

I have been here and will always be.

I am moon 

Nature

I  dance with steps that have been perfected since the beginning of time. I have never missed a beat. I know every rhythm, melody and tune ever played in my honor. 

I have seen  ages of man come and go and empires fall to the dust as I have gone through them. I have given them over to time and watch them fade.

I crush into you and all that you have or embrace you and all that is yours. My presence is known everywhere. 
There is not a space, inch or millimeter that I have not gone.

I offer you life and death at my expense you have no control over it. I can do with you as I want.

I know everything about you as you walk in my world. I watch you and fascinated by you as you are amazed at my work. Am I not the perfect artist?

I know all the secrets that you seek  and the answers to them. I do not give them up so easily.

There is no reason to seek me, I am everywhere. I will find you.

I am and always will be. I am Nature.


Earth

I am the giver of life, I am mother nature, I am the grower of all things, I spring forth life. From me, you find your strength. You revive yourself with me. You rest upon me  and in the end when you are spent I will cradle you when it is done.
I follow your footfalls as you run and have since the beginning of time only not to follow when you come to water. I have celebrated your moments in the sun and listened to the laughter of your life.

I shudder when you overwhelm me with your burdens. They are not mine to carry but for you.

I am not wild nor chaotic.
I am here for you. Always.

Find rest with me. I give you shade. Find love with me I provide the place. Find courage with me I will challenge you to get it.

I will not whip you, even though wind carries my essence. I will not hurt you even though fire burns on me. I will not  break and I will not destroy even though water covers me.

I am earth and I will provide for you.

(not happy with it)


Wind

I am free and I know all the places of the earth. No one has not felt me but safe in the womb no one has not been caressed by me. 
I laugh as I take your breath away, I am not loving, I am not desirable, I am simply me. I come and go as I please and do what I may.
I have whipped, torn and hurdled what I want at my leisure because I am stronger then you. Even fire is subject to me. 
I toss you about like a leaf while on other days I caress your cheek to feel your thoughts. I encourage the seasons to change and enjoy your frustration at the loudness of my voice.

You have heard me in canyons, valleys, through the forests and across plains and cities. I scream during storms and oncoming changes. Your skin still tingles at the thought of my scream. 

I am not one to be tamed nor one to be looked on as weak... no I say not. You best allow me to bend you and if I feel weakness, I will break you. 

I have no gentle fingertips that wrap their way around you and have no hypnotizing affects on you. I am what you cannot see and sometimes disgust. I am what can make you frustrated and mad and what can offer you relief. 

I will always be here and will always follow you wherever you go. Until the end of time. 

I am air.

1-20 of 28 Blogs   

Previous Posts
The Absence of "Him", posted March 7th, 2014
wow..., posted February 7th, 2014
Back..., posted August 30th, 2013, 2 comments
vacation, posted January 7th, 2013
inspired tonight, posted December 10th, 2012
Life in Klamath Falls, posted November 7th, 2012
New Blog..., posted October 16th, 2012
what I want to say to him..., posted September 7th, 2012
maybe I shouldn't.., posted January 21st, 2012
Why I like Cyclops, posted December 6th, 2011
Breaking Dawn..., posted November 19th, 2011
Monday got me thinking this way..., posted November 14th, 2011, 2 comments
Storm, posted November 12th, 2011
Veteran's Day, posted November 11th, 2011
do I dare.., posted November 11th, 2011
Fierce, posted November 10th, 2011
Moon-luna, posted November 6th, 2011
Nature, posted November 4th, 2011
Earth, posted November 4th, 2011
Wind, posted November 1st, 2011
Water, posted October 31st, 2011
Fire, posted October 30th, 2011
I am..., posted October 30th, 2011
Luck with guys LOL!, posted October 25th, 2011
Drinking and the single woman, posted October 2nd, 2011
MCAS Air Show, posted September 30th, 2011, 2 comments
Last Friday Night, posted September 26th, 2011
Men Onlin and you thought Otters were bad...., posted July 22nd, 2011
Prelude to a very stormy blog, posted July 15th, 2011, 2 comments
Oh Thursday, posted June 9th, 2011
Saturday, posted May 22nd, 2011
Thursday, posted May 19th, 2011

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